Lets Float

Lie down

Close these eyes

Deep breath in

Deep breath out

Listen to the sound of

Tick-tock

Tick-tock

Tick... Succumbing to loneliness

Tock... Drowning in silence

Lose the beat in your chest

As it gets louder

and louder

Hammering its way through your skull

Wishing you were elsewhere

Somewhere where ice-cream doesn't melt

eggs never overcooked

and coffee's always warm 

Wishing you're just that light

to be blown off and away

Fluffy seeds of a dandelion

Floating into unknown air

In search of an unknown home

Remember Not....

I was here,
sat beside you,
at this table, in your car,
inside all these memories.

Smiling, tearing, raising my voice,
how I'm remembered
by no one else but you.
Images formed by nothing but recollections
of fragments that seem surreal,
yet I'll cry when your fist clings on to
nothing but stiff clay.

Will come that day when nothing remains,
leaving no remnants,
just as light, a gentle breeze.
Just as you should forget.
Forget that I was ever here.
And the warmth of my palms,
never rubbed against yours.
Please stop remembering,
If remembering is nothing but harrowing,
I can't bear your tears.
Please not remember.
Please just forget.

Finding lost.

How long must I hold my breath

Before I’m able to find your scent again?

Sitting on a bed of dying bent

Lifeless hays fill my skin

This bag of rusty bones and dusty flesh

Blown over dried seas of reminiscence

Seeking for that only scent

Of my missing soul

How high must I climb these steps

Before I’m able to reach your hands again?

Faltering on a muddy path of sorrow

Dark rain soaks my thin veil

Slipping over and over your footsteps

Calling, hailing, gasping out that spell

That very one word that brings

Pulse to my dying heart

How far must I stare into the sky

Before I’m able to catch a glimpse of your silhouette again?

Floating in a blue painting of a starry night

Swinging from a burning star to another

Clinging onto the sharp edges

Letting pain pierce through my palms

Dripping along that green dark vein

Blood seeping out of my life

How deep must I bury myself in this cold dark earth

Before I’m able to feel your arms around me again?

Lying bare and exposed in this space underground

Wondering if life has ever even existed

Within your tight embrace

As my fingers clutches your bare shoulders

Holding ourselves into each other

With my every breath…

Still I can’t seem to find you

No matter what I do

No matter where I look

No matter how much I cry

Or how long I wait

You just ceased to exist.

Today is a very sad day.

Today is a very sad day. A life literally slipped away from this cold world....from my trembling arms....



On my way driving back from work, fatigue, fever, and medication were practically taking over my eyes, had to try so hard to keep them opened till i get home.
This is until i saw her lying in the middle of the road, not far ahead there's a dented car bumper also lying in the middle of the road. It was impossible for me to stop right there and then, so i had to drive until the next traffic light before being able to make a U turn. Praying very hard that there is still a thread of life in her and no other car has ran over her.

when i finally see her up close, her mouth was wide opened, gasping for live. My first thought was how long has she been lying there, struggling to survive?
As i push my hands underneath her warm body, i could feel wet moisture, she was soaked with her own blood and urine.
As i was also struggling to lift her off the middle of the road, no cars stopped to help, a few even honked at me to get off the road. While placing her in the backseat of my car, i noticed that she was a mother and she was still breastfeeding, she also had a black collar around her neck.
I padded her gently on the head, telling her not to hang in there, hang in there for the sake of your puppies....

I drove at a very safe speed to ensure that my driving or sudden breaking will worsen her condition. Again i was honked by other drivers, one even overtook me, pointed his middle finger, then went out of his way to emergency break a few times in front of my car till i almost bang the back of his car. Each time worrying and looking back to check if she had fell of the seat.

Finally, i made it through the after work traffic, and parked my car at the door of the animal hospital. A male employee was moving things inside getting ready to close the clinic. He stopped me at the door. I told him what happened, but did not expect to get such respond
"It will be very expensive, will you be the one to pay for it? If not then you take her to SPCA!"

I was first stunned, then angry. i raised my voice and tried to make him understand that she won't survive the traffic all the way from Seri Kembangan to SPCA which is probably somewhere in Subang. I guess the veterinarian heard the ruckus at the door, she walked over and the man said a whole bunch of things to her in Tamil. I didn't understand a single word, but from his expression and tone, I could pretty much guess it. I looked at her and begged her to at least come to the car and take a look at her, at least see if she would have any chance to live? Luckily she did not pay much attention to her assistant and went to the car with me. she checked her pupils and pulse, then asked me to carry her inside. She was just as warm, wet and heavy in my arms as she was before. When i placed her on the metal table, the sharped coldness of metal contrasted with her warmth, but it brightens my hope that she's still pretty much warm and hanging on to life.

The Veterinarian checked her pulse and pupils again, but her face changed this time. She put both her hands over her ribs and pressed a few times, the listened to her pulse again, pressed again, listened again, pressed again, listened again.....

"She just passed away..... I'm sorry."

I couldn't remember what, but i said a whole bunch of things inbetween that few minutes. All i can remember is hearing her reassuring me that she had passed away.... she died and there was probably nothing we could have done to save her life to begin with.

The veterinarian then offered to take care of her cremation at a discounted price, which i was more than grateful to pay for, as she deserves at least a proper burial.

For the second time this week, i cried.




Anyone who can identify her or her owner, please get in touch with me. Don't get me wrong, I don't give a damn about the fucking irresponsible owner, I just wanna know what had or will happen to her puppies.

MaryGold

I love that when we first met
There were yellow petals clumsily hiding
In your sea of dark curls
As you effortlessly hovered across
An ocean of colourful warm breezes
As glaring to my eyes as the yellow sun and orange clouds
Indelibly etched in my mind
Reminding me of those moments in life
That is far too beautiful to simply live through
and merely pass by
Especially in such discredited world of disemboweled souls
Where people laugh when words are beyond tears
For that one moment
All that matters
Were the Marigold in your warm bed of hair
This is a crazy, crazy place we live in....
But love is still here
Hidden in places that really matters.

For you

Happy birthday
To the only person in my heart
To the only heartbeat that synchronizes with mine
Happy birthday
To my only you

I don't give a shit
if you age prematurely
All your teeth fall off
and you butt sags like two oversized dried-prunes
Because I will remember you
as the first time I set eyes on you

Life might be a PMS-ing bitch most of the time
and people might not be happy about who we are
Material indulgence is still very far out of our reach
Fuck, we can't even toilet train our dog!
But comfort we shall find
knowing that we have each other to complain to
and release frustration on.

And if one day you do inherit Alzheimer or any other crap
and my beautiful flawless face no longer rings a bell
in that soon to be empty brain of yours
Rest assured, I will patiently remind you of it everyday
No, not by hanging tonnes of my self portrait in your room at the nursing home
But to hold on to your hand, tightly
Looking into your vacant eyes, and tell you again and again how much I mean to you
As we walk through each and every of our remaining years....

Happy birthday
My bestfriend
My soulmate
My love.
I love you.

My Will...

Take her
To a house filled with memories
A room filled with pillows
And a corner where he sits awaiting

Find him
To remind him not forget to wait
Tell him that time may change
But her love still remains

Take me
To a house filled with puppies
A room filled with books
And a corner that is not empty

Leave them
To realise what it's like to be alone
Tell them the suffering of others
But remind them to never lose hope